15 Great Ways to Fail at Increasing Website Traffic
March 23rd, 2010 by
We all know that one of the fundamental goals in designing a website is to provide information. Without an audience you might as well be a tree falling when no one’s around. So, how do you get an audience? As research shows the best way to get the best traffic is by telling your friends and family. They alone will get you all the traffic you need. That’s how the six degrees of separation works, right?
WRONG. While it is still important, it takes a lot more work and effort to grow your business than just word-of-mouth.
Here are other successful ways to make sure you fail at growing those daily visits:
1. Never consider your audience! Your site should make you happy. If it gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling, I’m sure they will love it.
2. All that matters is how pretty the site is.
3. Moving objects and loud music always bring the crowd.
4. Your audience and/or customer uses the same vernacular as you. There is no need for keyword research.
5. Never track or analyze your traffic. This only confuses things. It’s far more fun to bounce randomly around the web promoting yourself than to concentrate on what’s most effective. Besides, analysis is so boring.
6. Always use the largest format for all files. Everyone has a T1 these days. Your content will look and sound better than ever.
7. Content is not king! You’re content should be so minimal that it borders on shorthand.
8. Don’t worry about grammar, punctuation or clarity. Remember this is about you! Express yourself.
9. If you’re a localized company, do not claim your listings on sites like Google, MSN, local.com, hotfrog, etc… It’s just not hip.
10. Do not listen to your audience- they’ll only distract you from your goals. Twitter should be used for strictly pimping yourself.
11. Do not embrace and become part of a community. Facebook will go to the way side, just like Myspace. It’s all just matter of time. That stuff is for kids.
12. Bad reviews should be ignored. Out of sight, out of mind. Unless you just want to badmouth the reviewer. That’s ok and helps blow off some steam.
13. Never talk about your site. Self promotion is so passé. It’s like when a musician wears their own T-shirts on stage. Ugh!
14. Do not network or make friends. If you meet someone who does something similar to you they are the enemy. Unless you roll mafia style… then, keep them close by. Know what I mean?
15. Don’t worry about your brand. Keep things fresh. Change up your logo and tag line as frequently as possible. As soon as it seems old to you, it’s old to your audience.
Hopefully these tips will help keep you and your site pumping in fresh visitors daily. Just remember: It’s all about you.
If for any reason the facetious nature of this blog isn’t apparent, please refer back regularly to gain better insight and proper development techniques. “Same bat time, same bat channel!”
This is great, Nick…I love it! Hahahahahaha!
I just loooooove Bono and U2…I think they are the very best band who ever was!